Fierce. Is the number one attribute that was associated with my character / persona for ever since I can remember. Strong willed, fiery, determined, persistent.
My younger daughter has similar features and oh boy, she‘s a Valhalla of a kind. In moments I‘m at my edge my grandma reflects back at me with that knowing, grounded smile only elders have: here goes the karmic circle.
Parenting / accompanying me must have been a hell of ride. - Thank you mum, grandma, and most of my teachers, you‘ve done a GREAT JOB - Always digging deeper. Always wanting to go to the root. Never settling for less.
Always digging and seeking the truth. Tirelessly. Some people say the truth sets you free. For me, the truth set me on fire.
God bless I found Yoga, or better, god bless it found me. „What you seek is seeking you“ Rumi says. Maybe it was that reciprocity.
My rehab from Toxic Shock Syndrome, Multiple Organ Failure became a mix of Yoga, traditional Chinese medicine and holistic care. - thank you Bernd and Sabine Gauly from the bottom of my heart - it’s the people that believe in the self healing capacity of the bodymind and that create the sacred spaces for it to arise and take place that make all the difference. Muscle memory, affirmations, visualizations, patience and the power of will have been the very potions bringing back what has deteriorated over the course of 4 weeks. - it‘s incredible how fast muscles and endurance disappear and how fast they can come back -.
I had just collected myself again and gotten back on track at school in the summer 2022 when yogi and adventurer @yogapatagomlila came to visit from Patagonia and casually invited me to join her for a week of asana intensive in the Ashram. „Of course“ I said and little did I know what I got myself into. „Gotten back on track“ for a 17 year old meant that I also just had gotten back into partying all weekend, late nights and dramatic stories only teenager times tell.
… There I found myself in a tent with my mum‘s dear friend @yogapatagomlila who had a dedicated practice and who didn‘t spare a single option to deepen and expand her practice. 5am the alarm went on. Bare feet in flip flops through the wet, cold grass, brush teeth, scrub tongue, neti nostrils and off to the one hour of pranayama before meditation. My lungs traumatized and weak from smoking, intubation, and smoking again. There in those advanced Pranayama sessions my mind sniffed the pathway to clarity and truth, my fear and doubt pulled with all strength into the other direction. This retreat; A week of back and forth. Of pulling the layers tight around a core that was ready to strip. Old me, new me in an epic battle. I had let go of so much in the hospital. I was just building up those all so familiar walls again. Smoking, drinking, party, persona, identification. And there I sat 6am with every breath and breath retention these walls, these coping strategies shattered. The silence and stillness so unbearable and so comfortable at the same time…
This push and pull with the practice and the path continued for another year and a half until I did my first teacher training in 2004 straight out of Abitur, before starting University.
Paving a path I had no clue at that time would become my life‘s dedication. Coming back from TT deep inside I knew I had found what I was looking for and the only thing I wanted to do was to go back and study, practice, experience, teach more… 2004 I didn‘t have the guts to choose Yoga as my professional and life‘s path just yet.
So I went to University. As an alibi. To have time to practice, and teach, and study, and deepen, and seek. More.
More practice. More exploration. More deep dive.
To cut through self hatred, procrastination, self destruction. To take these dedicated steps to serve. This incredibly magical body and this extraordinarily powerful mind. To clear and heal and strengthen and tune… to love and care and support and connect…
Cover pic: Shalabasana unlocked after asana intensive 2002. Body still missing weight and regular constitution.
Photo credits to Duttenhöfer
Pic 2: Paschimotthanasa after 6 weeks in India on my own in 2006. Stereoptype culture shock Mumbai, Ashtanga in Mysore. 33h train through south India, Ashram in Tiruvanantapuram, beaches, bananas and the most delicious curries.
Pic 3: Kurmasana unlocked after asana intensive 2002.
Pic 4: Swadharma launch in 2014, which is part of the next stories unfolding in the coming days…
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